What Executive Coaching Is

We live our lives through the lens of our past experiences, many of which are undigested memories of pain or disappointment. These memories can be subtle but impactful, affecting how we view everything—even in areas where we feel successful or loved, such as relationships, careers, or friendships. No matter how extraordinary a relationship might be, there are moments when negative thoughts creep in. These moments aren’t random thoughts in our minds. They are often shaped by unresolved pain and trauma from our past.

This lens acts like a haze through which we interpret the world around us. It affects not just how we see others but how we see ourselves. Take the example of an executive coach, whose childhood was marked by the trauma of seeing his father lose his job. Now, despite coaching successful CEOs, he sometimes finds himself paralyzed when his clients fail or struggle. His undigested memory of financial instability is still shaping how he reacts to leadership challenges. He may not even realize that this unresolved past is blocking him from guiding his clients to reach their full potential. 

These subconscious memories do more than just trigger us; they show up in every area of our lives. In coaching, for example, everyone will eventually face a moment when they need to let go of these old stories in order to evolve. These past experiences show up repeatedly in different forms until they are finally dealt with. Ignoring them leads to dissonance and an inability to unlock your full potential and be at your best.

So how do we identify these subconscious memories? You don’t need to consciously remember every painful experience. The triggers you encounter—the moments when something or someone causes an uncharacteristic reaction—are often your guide. They reveal where your unresolved trauma lies, waiting for healing.

For example, someone might notice patterns of feeling inadequate during social events, even when surrounded by high achievers. That discomfort could point to a deeper wound; something old and unaddressed. By paying attention to these recurring feelings across different aspects of life, we can begin to see the larger pattern and trace it back to its root.

My Personal Journey: Outrunning Trauma

As someone who grew up in a traumatic household, I spent years trying to outrun my past. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother, but life had other plans for me. My unresolved trauma led me to make decisions that weren’t aligned with my heart. I married someone I didn’t love because I felt I had to, and that decision set off a chain reaction of struggles, both financially and emotionally.

For years, I chased success, driven by the need to survive and provide for my kids. I became a straight-commission salesperson and was wildly successful, making six figures within a few years. But the success didn’t fill the void. I was programmed to be a money-making machine, and while that gave me material wealth, it left me emotionally bankrupt in areas that truly mattered, like being present for my kids. Even today, they say “She provided for us, but she wasn’t there.”

That trauma of my childhood kept me in a cycle of attracting men who needed me to support them, reinforcing the narrative that I had to work to survive. It took me decades to see this pattern and understand how deeply it affected every aspect of my life. Only after confronting that trauma head-on, through therapy and deep inner work, did I begin to break free of it.

The Path to Freedom

Many of us are walking around, unaware of the emotional baggage we carry. It’s invisible, but it’s there, shaping our decisions, our relationships, and our view of ourselves. The key to breaking free is to bring awareness to these undigested memories and the ways they show up in our lives. It could be through coaching, therapy, or even deep self-reflection, but the process is crucial for personal growth.

If we don’t work on healing the leader within ourselves, we never get to optimize our full potential. We stay trapped in old patterns, reacting to life instead of leading it. To truly evolve, we need to step into a new level of awareness, where we’re no longer chasing the past but shaping the future. 

That’s what coaching really is. Turning people away from the past, and guiding them to be in and anticipate the moment, rather than chase it. It’s about clearing the space for true evolution and having a growth mindset.

So, what are the messages you’re missing? What triggers keep showing up for you? By paying attention to the patterns in your life, you can begin to heal and unlock the next level of your growth. It’s not easy, and it requires courage, but once you step into this process, you’ll experience a transformation far beyond just an “aha” moment.

P.S. Hear the actual coaching session that was the inspiration for this article on our podcast!

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